The Iraqniad
Iraq, Iran and the axis of Ira.
By DuWayne Charles

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Sights on Iraq U.S. Politics Middle East

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MAY 28, 2003. Iraq has no running water, electricity, or security, but Donald Rumsfeld and the intrepid men of the Bush administration are already trashtalking 'bout that another irritating "Ira," Iran.

In an internal memo leaked to this journalist, Wolfowitz indicates they will soon be pursuing Individual Retirement Accounts, Ira Gershwin, Ira F. Brilliant, the Intercollegiate Rowing Association, Interstate Racing Association, the suspiciously foreign sounding Innovative Roboter- und Automatisierungstechnik, and the Irish Republican Army, which will be called the Irish Re-Publican Army, so as to distance the U.S. Republicans' army from any hint of impropriety. In President Bush's next address to the nation, the axis of evil will be replaced by the axis of Ira.

The Washington Post, in its webpage, "Iran and the War on Terror," dedicated to answering the questions, "What kind of country is Iran?" and "Are Iran and Iraq different?" moves beyond the obvious explanation of the "q" and the "n" lurking at the end of the names to explain that the biggest difference is size. "Iraq is much smaller." According to the CIA World Factbook, Iraq is 437,072 square kilometers, more than twice the size of Idaho, while Iran is 1.648 million square kilometers, slightly larger than Alaska.

Mr. Rumsfeld has neither confirmed nor denied reports that homophone Ireland will be included as the third tier of the Ira triumvirate.

One inside source cited administration concerns over last year's bout of hoof and mouth disease that is disturbing proof of the island nation's potential to inculcate its animals with the deadly anthrax virus, a first step to developing biological weapons.

A cynical beltway player postulated that American ally Britain was the real reason, Ireland, at 70,280 square kilometers only slightly larger than West Virginia, would be added to the hit list. Prime Minister Blair has long resented importing the thick black Irish beer, Guinness, which resembles nothing so much as motor oil after a couple hundred thousand miles, and has vowed to bring the island to its knees.

From the Web

• Washington Post's Iran and the War on Terror
• World Factbook Ireland